And the World Comes Crashing Down

As Elena and I were wheeled into Labor and Delivery from the ambulance, I felt the stares of all the nurses.  Apparently our paramedic hadn’t called ahead, and they weren’t expecting a newborn and her mother.  I’m sure the look in my eyes said it all.  I was in a state of shock and losing a large amount of blood.  The nurses took Elena to check her over, and my doctor had been paged to come and help me.  I couldn’t help but notice all the whispering over her, and the look of worry in Jason’s eyes.  He didn’t know where to go, whether he should stay with Elena or come and hold my hand.  All the whispering was terrifying me.  What was wrong?  How could anything be wrong?  She was perfect.  8lbs 6oz and gorgeous.  So she was a little swollen, but it had been a traumatic entry into the world, shouldn’t that be expected?  Then, as I’m still not even stable, my doctor turns to me and say the words I will never forget.  “I think your daughter has Down Syndrome.  We need to draw some blood to do some testing.  I am so sorry.”  I completely came undone in the room when I heard those words.  I am scared and crying.  I just want to hold her in my arms and can’t.  “Focus”, the doctor tells me, as if I’m capable of even processing her words at this moment.  Jason tries to comfort me, but I am inconsolable.  As soon as he is sure that I am stable, Jason excuses himself to go and call my mom.  He needs help.  I need help.  As we are finally ready to go up to our room, I am surrounded by nurses, all whom are crying and telling me how sorry they are.  I think back on this and hope for the sake of any new mother being given such news, that those responsible for delivering it would take a moment and wait for the right time.  Not that there is ever a good time to hear that your child has a disability, but perhaps a moment when a mother is stable and the parents are not in a state of shock from just having delivered their newborn in the car.  But hey, that’s just one mother’s opinion.

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~ by triumphsforelena on November 9, 2010.

2 Responses to “And the World Comes Crashing Down”

  1. Leza,
    I am so sorry you and Jason have to go through all of this. I am glad that you are able to put it all down in writing. It will not only help you and Jason but the rest of your family and your friends as well.
    Love you all,
    Shannon Mench

  2. Leza, Thank-you so much for sharing you beautiful story. Having a child with a disability is difficult, but in many ways a gift. Maggie’s brother Rob has a disability, he has a form of autism know as Aspergers. When he was young-3yrs.-I was advised by someone to have him institutionalized, because I had another child to think about. I never considered that as a option. I loved my son and would do what I had to to give him the best life possible. Rob has lived on his own for 10yrs., has had the same girlfriend for 8 years, has some social anxieties. I love him the way he is more than I can say. Yes it has been difficult at times, but I believe that is part of life. Please stay in touch with me and give Elena a hug and kiss for me. Much love to you and Jason. Martha

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