Time to Rally

Well, I have been trying to enjoy this Christmas season because I have been blessed with three fantastic children but somewhere lurking in the back of my brain are those fears I can’t seem to conquer.  Everyone tells me to give it time, but I just wonder how long will these fears overcome me?  Elena will be six months in just a couple of days and I can’t believe how quickly the time has gone.  We have her six month check up tomorrow, which I am nervous for.  Along with a blood draw to test her tyroid we have to check her blood count to make sure she is clear of luekemia.  Along with her extra chromosome come added worries, such as childhood cancer, that we will now begin to monitor on a regular basis.  Our physical therapist also wants us to discuss her head development with the pediatrician and she may have to wear a helmet to help correct some other developmental issues that she is having.  I haven’t told anyone about the potential need for a helmet until now, other than my husband, and just typing this makes it all to real.  Not that the helmet is earth-shattering but it is just one more thing.

All that said, I have to rally.  My kids need me.  While I don’t expose them to my fears, I know they can feel the stress that comes off my body in waves.  I really do cherish my days with my sweet girl while it is just the two of us.  She is happy and full of smiles and so what if she may need to wear a helmet.  It won’t make her smile any less sweet.  As she sits in my lap and stares into my eyes I swear she can see right into my soul.  She is a special girl with an ability to make my heart swell with a simple half crooked smile.  So now, I am off to rally myself because I really am not sure if my fears will ever go away but I can’t get this time back and I am going to enjoy every breathtaking second of it.

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~ by triumphsforelena on December 14, 2010.

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