A Big Fat Mess

My house is trashed and my kids are happy, so all in all I would say it was a successful Christmas.  The best part of all was being able to spend time with our family and not having to rush about from here to there.  We stayed in, we ate, and we played.  I am now looking forward to a new year with new hopes and dreams.  I am going to stop comparing Elena to every other baby we come in contact with and just simply enjoy her.  I am going to enjoy all three of my children for who they are.  I am going to quit looking to the future because who knows what it will bring and if I continue to dwell on it then I won’t be able to enjoy the here and now.  I am going to stop being so angry.  My anger and frustration with this diagnosis has not been good for me or for my family.  It is nobody’s fault that Elena has Down Syndrome and my being angry isn’t going to change it.  I am going to quit blaming my self and I am going to stop carrying around this guilt that I have somehow caused my daughter to have DS.  Really, I am still doing this, and it has to stop.  I am going to make crafts with Ava and read Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing with Caden.  I am going to dance with both of my ballerina’s in their new tutu’s.  I am going to sing at the top of my lungs no matter who can hear.  I am going to breathe deeply and just stop putting so much pressure on myself.  I am going to start to smile again.  And most importantly, I am going to reread this post over and over again so that I will actually hold myself to this.  Promise.

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~ by triumphsforelena on December 27, 2010.

One Response to “A Big Fat Mess”

  1. Leza, Your plans for the coming year sound like good ones to me. For God’s sake, if nothing else quit blaming yourself. You have three beautiful children and your love for them all is obvious. Enjoy every minute with them because they will grow up way too quickly. Love, Aunt Linda

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