Hot Mess

I suppose that set-backs are a normal part of all of our lives, but I am having what feels like a major set-back.  I am truly so very happy that Elena’s medical issues have been dealt with for the time being, but it has left me with some extra time to worry about issues that I really thought I had dealt with.  I truly have a type-A personality and have a difficult time relinquishing any control.  I like lists.  I like schedules.  I like having answers.  I don’t like to feel as if I am spiraling out of control and just waiting for the next bomb to drop, and that is how I have felt this past week.  The fact that we have been insanely busy hasn’t helped me to have a quiet moment to sit down and try to decipher all of this emotion.

Along with these worries for Elena that I thought I had put to rest, I am still worrying that Caden and Ava will feel over-shadowed by Elena’s extra needs.  Because I have started to irrationally have these thoughts as well, I think I am starting to over-compensate and go against my typical parenting style.  While I have never really started in a place of “no”, I’m not the kind of mom who feels like I have to say “yes” to everything my kids want or I will be depriving them.  I think that kids need structure and to know that they won’t always get their own way.  I also think that I need to give my kids the benefit of the doubt, because I know that below all my fears lies a peace in knowing that I have three great kids.  A peace in my soul knowing that my biggest two will always be there for my littlest one and I just need to find a way to clear out the rubble that it littering my inner sanctity.

“Don’t be afraid to weep – it will free your mind from sad thoughts.”

~ by triumphsforelena on May 10, 2011.

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